Natural Sunlight Report 004
Some thoughts on feeling good
Hello Seekers,
Welcome to another Natural Sunlight Report. I’m having so much fun with the new iteration of the newsletter - it feels stripped back in a way that makes me feel like I’m 16 and on Tumblr again.
This is a huge relief, because I’ve spent so much of the past few months thinking about how I want my life to feel. When was the last time you thought about that? It’s a simple question, but one that requires a decent amount of breathing room to answer.
This weekend, I interviewed my dear friend Mike for the podcast, and when he left, I realized how anxious and tense I was feeling in my body. This had nothing to do with Mike (our conversation was beautiful and I can’t wait to release the episode soon) - it just affirmed an inkling I’ve had for a while now: interviewing people for my podcast is not feeling aligned right now. I love the idea of interviewing - but in fact, it’s not something that comes naturally to me. I find it very difficult to be a present and active listener because, whether I like it or not, I’m constantly thinking about the next question or how to guide the conversation. It completely drains me.
I’ve interviewed some of my idols over the past year (Tyler! Chrissy! Lindsey!) - and I thought the anxiety and nerves were just there because I was interviewing people I’d put on pedestals. But after interviewing Mike, a dear friend of over 12 years, I realized, oh, this has nothing to do with who I’m interviewing - this isn’t something that makes me feel regulated in my body. I know I can interview - but I don’t need to be doing something that doesn’t make me feel good!
It was the same with Brightsiding. By the end, I felt like I was forcing myself to do things that didn’t feel aligned because I thought I should, or because I said once that I would and had to stick to my word.
The questions I was asking myself for the majority of the past few years have been more achievement-oriented - what do I want to do, what are my goals, what am I working towards - millennial girlboss residue that is useful, in a way, but doesn’t factor in what the experience of those things will be like.
I’ve realized that starting with a feeling tone and working backwards from there is a more useful foundation for any planning - whether you’re looking for a new job, a new apartment, or a new relationship - because it allows you to to align your life with your values.
What I value right now in my life is beauty (experiencing beauty, being in beautiful spaces, feeling beautiful), fun (Kim Catrall said it best), and authenticity (I’ve worked too hard to figure out who I am to put myself in situations that make me feel like I can’t be fully self-expressed).
These values translate into a feeling tone that is present, heartfelt, connected, and grounded.
I know what it feels like in my body when these qualities are online - I’m centered, I’m not self-monitoring, I’m existing in trust and excitement, and I feel regulated in my body. This is useful because it helps me distinguish between experiences that are aligned and those that aren’t - when I notice myself tensing up, or worrying about what’s coming out of my mouth, or feeling insecure - I can pause to examine what about the experience is making me feel that way and course correct.
So much of my ability to reflect on these things meaningfully is thanks to 5 years of therapy (I’ve been on a break for the past year or so, but this was one of the most important investments of my twenties) - coaching with Imari and Sheila over the years, a yoga practice, the To Be Magnetic app (which I started using at the end of 2023, a few months before I left my corporate job), and a genuine commitment to building the most aligned life possible.
This isn’t all sunshine and daisies, by the way. Some of the answers to the questions above have been extremely painful to examine. Committing to a life that feels authentic and good required a lot of risk, hard choices, and faith.
But there’s a real joy in that work, and a real sense of pride that comes with honoring yourself.
The way you want your life to feel now might not be the way you want your life to look in a year, or five years, or even next week. Life is about growth, life is about honoring seasons. To be human is to change - how amazing is that? We get to experience so much here on earth; we might as well give ourselves a chance to let it feel good.
Some reflection quesitons that have helped me on my journey:
What are your favorite parts of your day/week(/life)? Why?
What are the feeling tones in your body during these parts of the day? What about these moments/experiences light you up?
What are the parts of your day that feel the most draining, and why? Is it possible to change anything about these experiences?
An anecdote, if it’s helpful: I used to have such extreme yoga-lobby-anxiety. I remember in my early twenties, waiting in a crowded hallway before a hot yoga class, feeling so self-conscious and insecure - it was horrible! Why? Because my inner beliefs and dialogue were so negative and fear-based. I was so focused on the laundry list of imperfections that I saw in myself that I was certain that was the only thing the cool, beautiful women around me were seeing too. As I started to work on this inner dialogue, cultivated a better relationship with myself, and began to assume positive intent going into these sorts of spaces, everything changed.
I say this to emphasize that certain experiences that might feel “negative” aren’t necessarily a signal you need to hard-quit something. Perhaps examining why certain situations feel off and investigating the beliefs that may be contributing to them could help reveal some quick inner tweaks that can actually make something like going to yoga a true joy.
What experiences do you see others having that you secretly want, but say, “Oh, that could never be me?”
Sarah Wood González recently wrote an excellent piece about befriending the green monster of jealousy, and I couldn’t have said it better myself. Learning to reframe envy as an indicator of something that is 100% available to you, but you just haven’t connected with yet, has been life-changing for me.
And of course, what are your values?
I think this is the secret ingredient for life in general. If you know what your values are, you can start to associate the feeling tones associated with those values, investigate why those things are so important to you, and start to put yourself in places and with people that feel aligned. It might feel “random” at first, and your friends might want nothing to do with your newfound interest in going to talks at Cooper Union, but then bam! You meet a new bestie and find yourself lit up by a newfound connection that is true to you.
With that, I’ll bid you adieu until next week.
Lots of love,
Erica
PS - Daniela just launched a series of awe-inspiring, astrological Brand Kits that have my jaw on the floor. They’re such a steal at $22, and such an inspiring way to think about branding (personal or otherwise!). Check them out here.
Don’t Let Me Buy This Oops, Bought It …
I just splurged on this pair of silver flats that I’ve been eyeing forever. I had officially worn my beloved Loeffler Randalls into the ground, so it felt time for a refresh since these are a cornerstone of my wardrobe!